Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée: Friendship and Meaningful Relationships Skills for Executives

In today’s hyper-connected world, where social media displays ever-growing lists of friends and followers, it’s easy to believe that having many friends is a sign of social success. But is that really the case? Contrary to popular belief, having fewer, deeper friendships may not only lead to a more fulfilling life, but it can also be a sign of emotional strength, maturity and self-awareness. To help you explore the psychology and science behind why fewer friends might be better, we carried out research into expert insights to illustrate that less is more in meaningful relationships. Most importantly, we reached out to my best friend who value quality over quantity in friendships.

Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée on Friendship and Meaningful Relationships

Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée, DBE, business psychologist and former Chairman of NHS is a brilliant mind who was honoured four times be Her Majesty Elizabeth II and King Charles III. Celebrated as one of the most iconic personalities in leadership mastery and an absolutely remarkable speaker, she emphasizes that it takes courage to let yourself make a meaningful connection with another person.

In her latest book she brings a fresh psychological perspective on building relationship skills and experience joy.

A renowned researcher on leadership mastery and human connection, Dame Neslyn argues that deep relationships are built on trust and the ability to be vulnerable. This vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. It fosters emotional closeness and allows us to experience deeper, more meaningful friendships. However, cultivating such vulnerability with a large group of people is difficult, if not impossible.

In this book, you’ll explore the following:

Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: Discover how to leverage emotional intelligence to navigate workplace dynamics with ease. Gain a deep understanding of how emotions impact decision-making and relationship management.

Conflict Resolution: Learn practical techniques for resolving conflicts, uncover the root causes of disputes and develop the skills to mediate solutions that work for everyone involved.

Impact of the Inner Child: Examine how early experiences influence your professional relationships and viewpoints. Through a reflective, psychological approach, you’ll learn to harness these insights to enrich your leadership journey.

Clarity and Commitment to Learning: Adopt the mindset of continuous learning. Effective leadership demands a clear vision and a steadfast dedication to both personal and professional development.

Blueprints for Success: Explore seven detailed blueprints that provide a step-by-step approach to boosting self-awareness, making thoughtful decisions and improving your effectiveness in business interactions.

The Myth of Popularity

Society often associates popularity with success, which can lead to a mindset where people feel pressured to surround themselves with a large social circle. This notion is particularly strong during adolescence, where studies show that those with more friends are often perceived as more confident and likable. However, research suggests that as we grow older, the opposite might be true.

A 2016 study published in Psychological Science examined the relationship between the quality of friendships during adolescence and adulthood. It found that while having many friends in high school may offer some short-term social benefits, it is the quality, not quantity, of friendships that matters most as we age. Individuals who maintained fewer, but deeper, friendships in their 30s reported higher levels of emotional well-being, compared to those with larger but more superficial social networks. These findings suggest that investing in fewer, meaningful relationships may have a lasting positive impact on mental health.

The Science of Deep Connections

Friendship is one of the most important elements in maintaining a healthy emotional life. But when it comes to meaningful connections, size doesn’t always matter. According to British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, the human brain can only comfortably maintain about 150 social relationships—a concept known as “Dunbar’s Number.” Within this number, there’s an even smaller group of close relationships, usually limited to five intimate friends. These are the people we trust the most, confide in, and feel emotionally secure around.

Dunbar’s research shows that attempting to maintain more than these core relationships may lead to superficial interactions, as our emotional bandwidth is spread too thin. By focusing on fewer close friendships, individuals can cultivate stronger bonds based on trust and vulnerability. These relationships are far more likely to provide emotional support and mutual growth.

In fact, a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people with fewer close friends reported higher levels of life satisfaction and happiness. The study concluded that it’s not the number of friends that influences our well-being, but the depth of the connection and the sense of emotional intimacy within those friendships.

Dame Neslyn’s work suggests that fewer friendships, built on this foundation of trust, can be more valuable than numerous, shallow connections. Consider the case of celebrities who have access to countless social connections, but often report feeling lonely and alienated.

In an interview, Jennifer Lawrence shared that she keeps her circle small because maintaining close bonds is difficult when trust is at stake. “I have about five friends and that’s it,” she said. “It’s really hard for me to trust people.” This sentiment resonates with many people who understand that having a smaller social circle allows for deeper connections and greater emotional safety.

Finding Strength in Solitude

For many successful individuals, a smaller circle of friends has been a strategic choice that reflects their personal growth. Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors in the world, has spoken about how he values a few close friendships over large networks. He once said, “You will move in the direction of the people you associate with. So it’s important to associate with people that are better than yourself.” Buffett’s words highlight the importance of surrounding oneself with people who inspire growth, rather than simply seeking out numerous connections for the sake of social status.

Similarly, writer and entrepreneur Tim Ferriss has often emphasized the value of pruning one’s social circle to focus on meaningful relationships. In his book Tribe of Mentors, Ferriss advises, “You are the average of the five people you most associate with.” By concentrating on a smaller group of trusted friends, you create a network of positive influences that support your goals, ambitions, and emotional well-being.

The Psychological Benefits of Fewer, Closer Friends

Research also shows that people with smaller, close-knit groups of friends experience less stress. A 2018 study published in Developmental Psychology found that young adults who maintained a few deep friendships reported lower levels of social anxiety, depression, and overall stress than those who spread their time across a wide array of acquaintances. With fewer friendships to maintain, individuals experience less pressure to meet societal expectations of popularity and are better able to manage their emotional energy.

Having fewer friends also fosters a stronger sense of self. According to Dr Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts, “People with a small number of very close friends tend to feel less lonely and isolated than people who know many others but don’t feel a deep connection with them.” These close friendships help individuals develop a stronger sense of identity, which contributes to overall emotional resilience.

Less is More in Friendships

The idea that fewer friends can equate to greater strength goes against the grain of our social media-driven culture, but science and real-world examples suggest it’s true. It takes emotional maturity, confidence, and a clear understanding of one’s values to choose depth over breadth in relationships. Fewer friendships don’t signify weakness or social inadequacy; they are often a testament to a person’s strength, self-awareness, and understanding of what it takes to maintain deep, authentic connections.

In the end, it’s not about how many friends we have, but about the quality of the friendships we build. True strength lies in the courage to nurture a few meaningful relationships that allow us to grow, trust, and be vulnerable. As author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Personally, I have less than five meaningful relationships but I am confident that the friendships we build with my true friends, over the last decades, are richer than we could ever imagined.

About Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée, CBE

Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée, CBE provides coaching to executive and senior leaders, enabling them the space to be their best in their leadership, achieve high performance, and transform their business and life with integrity, passion, vision and emotional intelligence. Dame Neslyn Watson-Druée started her business as a leadership development coach and consultant in 1989 in her consultancy Beacon Organisational Development.

She also developed a leadership demonstration programme for the Executive of the British National Health Service (NHSE) in 1993.  She has received now received over 25 awards for her work, inclusive of being honoured four times by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth and King Charles III of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth. 

Do you want to share your professional opinion and inspire our readers ? YOUR EXPERTISE could be paving the way for a fairer society and progress.